Respect for Normalcy

We have been through a lot of changes the past few weeks/months in our house, starting with the move and new baby and most recently with quitting my job and our everlasting home renovations, and I am craving a routine and a simpler lifestyle and an ease to our days that we don't currently (and probably won't ever) have. I'm waiting for a time that may not ever come, but while I try to figure out how to reconfigure my personal definition of "normal" at least it's reassuring that I'm not alone. Blogger Shawni from 71 Toes describes the feeling well (even though her daily challenges are different from mine): 

"I have a newfound respect for normalcy.  For those days when my children come home from school and I can cut up some strawberries for them and look into their sparkly eyes as they tell me about their day.  For those times I can sit and watch the dances they make up without having my mind split in forty-nine different directions to try to put out fires for things that are waiting to be done.  For time to cook balanced meals for them.  For the chance to call a friend or reach out to those who may need an extra hand.  I don't like being the one in the darkness grasping to hold on by the tips of my fingernails."

Yes, I'm yearning for cut up strawberries and sparkly eyes, too. Someday. Someday soon it will happen. And then not too far from then, I'll be wishing I had the chaos back I'm sure. Years from now I'll look back from the stillness of an empty house and wish that my problems were toddler tantrums and sticky fingers and stepping on legos. Grass, why must you always look so green???

T minus 11 years

It seems like our little boy is getting bigger and more grown up every day, and although he is still in diapers (don't judge) and still sleeping in a crib (again, judge free zone here) I find myself wondering about what kind of kid and adult he will become. And I find myself what kind of parent I will become as he navigates through the world.

Like the majority of people I know (except for those that have seemingly storybook lives and fairy-tale relationships with their parents), I don't want to become the type of parent that my parents were. Don't get me wrong, they each had their moments, but it's my hope to be more engaged, more supportive, and more educated about my children's lives - who they are, what they like (and don't like), who they like (and don't like), and what they want to do with their lives. But it's hard, I know, because already I find myself barely getting through some days with fruit snacks and Disney Jr. and then I wonder, how do you make enough time and have enough energy to do so much more? Maybe it's an innate skill and some people are just wired to be 'better' parents. But perhaps it takes time, patience and effort like most other things you have to work at to be successful. I'd like to hope I still have a chance.

I ran across this blog post today and it made me jump ahead a few years to raising a teenager. I love this blogger and her perspective about parenting, and this post was no exception. Here are a few notes (paraphrased) she took from a speaker that really stood out to me - I've bolded my favorite parts:

1) Do your homework.  Don't expect heartfelt, meaningful conversations if you don't put the effort in. Be prepared with thoughtful, pertinent questions specific to that child's needs. Know each of your child's specific interests, and embrace them. Show them what matters to them matters to you. Work your day around them. You are the mother and that is your #1 job...plan ahead.

2) Be quick to show compassion and slow to judge. Nothing cuts off conversation more quickly than judgment. LISTEN or you will short-circuit future conversations. First try to understand, then to be understood. Being judgmental will stop your child from bringing worries or concerns to you in the future...they won't want to "let you down." Change doesn't come through criticism. Use words like "wow," "really," and "how does that make you feel?"  We need to evaluate what incentive we give our kids to really talk.

3) Demonstrate patience and respect...Ask before offering advice. Just talk, don't have ulterior motives in what you say. Quality conversations don't happen without listening. Maintain eye contact, don't multitask, ask permission to share thoughts, don't offer unsolicited help. Ask them for advice.

4) Don't avoid technology. It's not going away.  It can be a tool or a weapon...we can make it a great tool. Take out time to monitor and teach your teenager appropriate ways to handle technology. 

His thoughts were low, his words were few,

and never formed to glisten--

but he was a joy to all his friends,

You should have heard him listen.

Wow. It's a good thing I have a few years before dealing with teenagers, because I definitely need to practice some of these ideas and I'm getting the impression that having an adequate supply of fruit snacks on hand is not going to be the key indicator of Parent of the Year for much longer. Such simple messages she shares with such promise for a powerful impact. But sometimes it's the most simple of concepts that are hardest to implement in our daily routine. 

And so it begins... again...

Well, we've purchased a new house. And with the new address comes a new blog, this one with a focus on our home improvement adventures intermixed with my random thoughts of the day. Riveting? I'm sure. Entertaining? Definitely. An ongoing look at the daily ridiculousness that is our life? Of course. So stay tuned!